Going For The Gold!

     Ladies and Gentlemen the London Olympics are upon us!  To commemorate the occasion we here at the blog have traveled all the way to scenic London, England Montpelier, ID (budget cuts) to cover the festivities!  Due to the last few crazy days of moving from one house to another and traveling from state to state, sleeping on various couches, I've kind of missed a lot.  I'd usually adhered to the belief that the opening ceremonies are boring, so I didn't even attempt to watch.  I should have remembered that these Olympics are in England.  I managed to miss not only the Queen of England and James Bond jumping out of a helicopter, but also my idol singing Hey Jude as the Olympic Cauldron was lit.

How on earth did I miss this?

     But I have seen some good stuff.  Some of my favorites so far have been these stories:

This Is A Battle Song

As I just said, this isn't a review. This won't be funny, dramatic, humorous, or life changing at all. To all of you eagerly expecting an Amazing Spider-Man review, sorry, wait a little longer. There's things in life that are more important than just a movie. I know Cole posted his thoughts on what has happened, but it's still on my mind and there's some things I need to say before I get back to my regular shenanigans. No pictures, no funny captions, no sarcastic insults. Just not right now.

RISE - The Official Review of The Dark Knight Rises

     Okay readers, the moment has finally come.  Please turn off your cell phones, keep hands and feet inside the Batmobile at all times, and refrain from shouting joyous proclamations from the rooftops (there will be time for that later).  Our review of The Dark Knight Rises has arrived!

Note:  You may now begin playing Hans Zimmer's soundtrack in your head.

     Be advised that there may be spoilerish material below; I'll avoid major plot twists, but if you want to go in blind to the story, don't read further.  You've been warned...

A Serious Post For a Serious Time

     Well I promised to write about The Dark Knight Rises, but after the events that took place in the midnight showing in Aurora, CO, twenty minutes down the road from where we were sitting watching the same movie, I haven't felt a whole lot of urgency.  Like everyone else, I've been shocked by the senselessness of what happened.  It hits close to home because of how close it was, and also just because of the circumstances.  Who expects to be in any danger when going to a movie?  What crime has anyone excited enough to see a Batman movie at midnight committed for someone to gun them down?  The whole thing makes no sense.  I don't know what motivated the shooter, but what he did was completely evil.  I hope the media doesn't give him the attention he was clearly seeking.
     So it's been a strange two days that kind of put a sour note on an otherwise amazing experience for me.  Maybe now is not the time to draw a lesson from Batman, but last night Zach showed me a picture on the interwebs that I thought was appropriate.

     What happened was horrible and tragic, but that doesn't mean we can't rise and be greater.  Let's remember the victims by doing something about it.  Whether it be donating to a fund for the victim's families, giving blood, or just being a little kinder, let's all do our best to rise out of tragedy and find greatness.

We're Still Alive!

Greetings loyal reader(s).  You may have noticed that it has been quite a long time since we've updated the old blog.  This is due to a mixture of laziness, lack of ideas, and an incident involving Zach, a can of hairspray, and a match.

Pictured: Not Zach.

5 Great Movies You've Probably Never Heard Of

     Ah movies...they definitely hold a fond place in our hearts.  We here at the blog have spent countless hours arguing having gentlemanly debates about which movies top others, and which can be considered as horrible assaults on our senses (we're looking at you Transformers 2).  I think we can all agree that certain movies are mandatory viewing for everyone, but I also am sure that everyone has a few favorite movies that it seems like only they've seen.  So this is my list of some of my favorites that no one I know has ever heard of.  If you have, then you're probably either over 40, have impeccable taste in movies, or both.

We Is Growing

     Ladies and gentlemen, exciting things are happening here at the blog.  After only three days we've had a slew of views, and I can officially confirm that at least three people besides my mom have seen it!  Whoo-hoo!  Milestones are being passed, expectations met, and momentum is building!  With that being said, a mission statement of sorts is in store.

Why Spider-Man, the Greatest Hero, Shouldn't Date Your Daughters

Dear Cole,
Ray Allen? No one comes to us for sports analysis, unless it has to do with Tim Tebow or... No, just Tim Tebow. They come to us for pop culture buzz and salsa dancing lessons. More specifically, they come to us for information on which superhero is the most awesome. That's how we make the big bucks.

Scrooge McDuck will never pay us for our sports knowledge.

 It's a debate that has raged on for ages, spanning multiple universes, movies, and books. On occasion we get to actually see these heroes fight each other, with awesome results (The Avengers movie, Battle of the Cowl, Superman/Batman: Public Enemies, Marvel Civil War, etc.) These fights are both entertaining and frustrating to watch and read. On the one hand, it makes sense that Captain America could beat up Iron Man. On the other hand, why on earth would the cool and groovy Green Lantern lose to the pathetic Silver Surfer? Even if it was Kyle Rayner, it's a ring of unlimited power for goodness sake.

Dear comic writers, this would never happen. Sincerely, smart people.

One hero stands out above the rest though. That hero, my friends, is Spider-Man. He's the greatest hero that has ever been created. Let me explain before all the Batman fans gang tackle me and force me to name my first child Bruce, regardless of gender. Spider-Man, for better or worse, lets his emotions control everything he does. He is the nicest, most polite loose cannon that the superhero world has. His mental instability causes good, such as his extreme reaction to his Uncle's death to become a superhero in the first place. Most people wouldn't react to the death of a father figure by donning tights and covering petty thugs with sticky goop all night, but hey, whatever you need to numb the pain Peter Parker. This impulsiveness also creates stupidity though. He's very malleable, like play-dough. In the Marvel Civil War, Iron Man convinces him to reveal his identity to the world with just a few slick words and some blatant guilt tripping. It seemed that rule number 1 of being a superhero was always the secret identity, but apparently it's safer for everyone if heroes register their identities with a stupid government and do whatever the politicians tell them to do. Also, Spider-Man would never make a deal with the devil, that's the most ridiculous, implausible storyline ever. The government, the devil, and comic book writers are all so stupid.

I'm not bitter about that story at all.

All of that leads to my single, Amazing, Spectacular point though. Spider-Man is the hero that fathers would not want their daughters to date. He's impetuous to a fault, he's never on time, and he's more likely to follow his emotions in the moment than make a rational decision. So to all you dad's out there, if you suspect your daughter is dating Spider-Man, there is really only one course of action.

1. Cover all windows to your daughter's room with oil to repel sticky finger powers, and also electrocute them and set the windows on fire.
2. Lock your daughter in the basement and force her to watch this repeatedly for 12 hours:

That should cure her of any Spider-Man love she might still have. Lastly, buy yourself some combat armor and a shotgun. If your daughter was indeed dating Spider-Man, you have a future of pain and suffering coming. Fathers in the Spider-Man universe have a histroy of not doing so well. Spider-Man's own father died/disappeared/defected/combusted depending on what story you're looking at. His father figure Uncle Ben was shot and bled to death on a run down New York street corner. Most disturbingly though, look at what happens to Spider-Man's girlfriend's dads. Spider-Man girlfriend Mary Jane's father is a raging alcoholic and an implied wife beater, and some times doesn't even exist. And other Spider-Man girlfriend Gwen Stacy's father, George Stacy... Life isn't happy for him. There's death, sorrow, pain, and more death, depending on which story he's in. One common theme though: George is always trying to do the right thing when he dies and/or someone close to him dies. So that's what you have to look forward to fathers. If your daughter is dating Spider-Man, you can try as hard as you want to make things work and be good, and either you or your daughter will inevitably be dropped off a building.

You knew this was coming.

Et Tu, Ray?

     Last night I was met with some rather devastating news.  This was that Ray Allen, my favorite NBA player (he was even referenced in my last post) was leaving the Celtics and jumping on board with the Miami Heat. My immediate reaction can be summed up in this classic scene from a certain movie we all know;

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Hello World!

     Today is truly an historic occasion.  One for the books.  In a bold and stunning move, Cole and Zach Walker are now on the web.  After years of wondering if this whole "internet" thing would stick, the time has finally come.  When asked what finally pushed him over the edge, Zach responded by saying "I'm sick of googling my name and not being in the results list.  It's time I took control of my destiny."  Take control he has.
     So here we are, in very humble beginnings.  For the life of me I can't get the layout of this blog to look even sort of cool, so you're stuck with the turquoise sound wave for now.  Admit it, you kind of like it.  We also struggled to think of a fitting title for the most important blog the internet will see in 2012, so that's also kind of a work in progress.  Expect many changes and improvements in the future.
     Soon I'll write a mission statement for the blog that will be utterly ridiculous, but for now know that this is the part of the internet where our brains are allowed to seep out all the extra goop they have.  You won't find any pattern here, we will rant about whatever we feel about ranting about, whether it be current events, ancient events, movies, music, or how Ray Allen could probably beat Wyatt Earp in a shooting contest.
     Be sure to tune in for more strangeness in the future.