1. NBC Completely Destroys the Closing Ceremonies, and Kind of the Games Too
Some of you might know that while I can play some sports decently and many sports awkwardly, I really prefer to not do much with sports anymore. None of my favorite teams, like the Raiders, the Nuggets, the Avalanche, the Mariners, or the USA Synchronized Swimming team have been relevant for more than a decade, so why invest so much time on mediocre teams when I could spend that time doing important things? Such as salsa dancing lessons, psychic readings, and listening to music.
Which brings me to the main point here. I love the Olympics even if I'm not a huge sports fan. I mostly love them though because they combine the coolness of sports with the ultimate coolness of music. Especially this year. London had the potential to be my favorite Olympics ever, not because USA was set to win the most medals or because Dong Dong was finally getting the recognition he deserved. It was because of the music!!! Almost all of my favorite bands and singers have come from England. And if you really sit back and think about it, most of your favorites probably have too. The Beatles, The Who, The Police, many other bands whose names start with The... Most importantly for me though, it was Muse. Even more importantly, Muse wrote the official song of the London games (Survival) and was going to perform it at the Closing Ceremonies.
[Sidebar. I recognize that "Survival," is not Muse's greatest effort as far as lyrics go. In fact, it's a little silly. I still love it though, and I sure as heck love it much more than three Jessie J performances.]
I didn't hear the song at all during the actual Olympics, but I didn't mind too much. I figured there just wasn't enough time in between all of the super interesting swimming and diving preliminary events to play 30 seconds of the OFFICIAL SONG OF THE GAMES. I was content to wait for the inevitable awesome Closing Ceremony performance of the song. I gave NBC the benefit of the doubt. I didn't really care that every cool event was taped and I'd already found out who won by the time I watched. I didn't care that they shoved Ryan Seacrest down my throat. Or was that Joel McHale? I can never tell anymore.
I stayed up to watch. I endured three Jessie J performances (smaller sidebar. Who on earth is Jessie J and why was she the main star of the Ceremony? Surely there are better choices to represent the best of British music and culture than her.). I watched a terrible Spice Girls reunion, as did millions of other people who probably weren't even interested in them when they were still a thing. The Spice Girls should just hold the opposite of a reunion. A De-Union. Is there any way to go back in time and prevent that, "band," from existing? I'm prepared to pay real cash money to anyone who make that happen. Or, an Internet mod that erases all mentions of the Spice Girls from my browser, like the one that guy made for Nickelback. Again, real cash money for anyone who can make that happen. By real cash money I of course mean a quarter.
So I was sufficiently ticked off when NBC cut Muse and to a lesser extent, The Who from the Closing Ceremonies. All so they could show a commercial free airing of some new show about a monkey who fights veterinarians to the death or something like that. I think that's what it was about.
2. Facebook Posts About Your Personal Life and Your Feelings
Let's get this out of the way. I'm an emotionless robot and your accusations of me being an uncaring, unfeeling shell are really not that inaccurate. The best part, though? Since I'm an emotionless robot, your insults and your attempts to hurt my feelings don't faze me at all! Jokes on you suckers!!!
I'm extremely frustrated with the state of my News Feed right now. I scroll down and see so many ridiculous, over dramatic posts about girls, about boys, about being forever alone, about anything you can think of that really won't matter a week from now. Let me count how many posts are offenders of this before I have to load more stories. 1, 2... 5... 9... 20,000. THAT'S TWENTY THOUSAND STORIES ABOUT YOUR LIFE THAT I DON'T NEED TO HEAR. (Sidebar. That was an exaggeration, there was just 9. Which is still 9 too many.)
A sample of what I hate. Well, not really a copy-pasted sample so I don't offend the actual writers too much in case they read this, but you still all probably know who you are.
"I don't need a man. I'm a strong, independent woman and I can take care of myself lololol:)))" insert slutty picture.
This is bad. It's just... Bad. Look, any smart, normal person knows that neither men, nor women necessarily need each other during high school and even the first few months of college. But, it's fun to get to know each other. Girls are pretty. Boys are whatever girls talk about when they go to the bathroom together. Being in a relationship that isn't dramatic and abusive is fun. It's fun to let people in, but life is also fun to just live and make friends as you live. But when you let the world know that you don't need a boyfriend, and you think that the best way to show that is to post a picture of yourself wearing almost nothing and smiling seductively into your cell phone camera, it doesn't make me sit back and agree. I don't hit the like button and silently nod my head while applauding your feminism. I click your profile and defriend you.
"I love you so much, and it hurts me so much that you're with someone else. Why can't you just love me? You'd be so much happier with me."
Or, "I'm so lonely. I'm a great person! Why won't anyone date me:("
I've seen so much of this that I just can't stand it anymore. Here's a news flash: if someone you like is with someone else, and not you, their boyfriend/girlfriend is not some evil slave driver holding them against their will. The boy/girl you secretly admire is probably, 99 percent of the time, legitimately happier with someone else than they would be with your cryptic texts and longing posts. I know, I'm a terrible person to imply that you are not perfect for your crush. I look forward to your comments.
These people are just asking for it. No one likes a cheater *cough Kristen Stewart cough* and no one likes people who are abnormally depressed over someone who believes that they could just be happy if they had a boyfriend/girlfriend. No matter how many "deep," song lyrics you post or how many statuses you write pining for that special someone, it doesn't make them suddenly decide to love you. It creeps them out, and it makes them afraid of you. For the rest of us, it just annoys us incessantly and eventually we block your updates from appearing in our news feed. Or an occasion, we give you the death sentence and defriend you.
The bottom line is this. We don't use Facebook to read about your feelings. We use Facebook to find funny pictures of cats and other adorable animals. And sometimes we use it to throw a party, or check in on actual friends. But mostly, just for the cats.
Are you offended? No? Maybe I should be snarkier. Maybe I should write more inflammatory remarks about your cat pictures. In the end, most of you are probably making this face and thinking the same thing as you read the end of my rage blog.
Only one caption, Zach? We aren't impressed with this blog.
He forgot to say "Happy Blogsday" to everyone.
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